I know that no amount of apologies can ever reverse the hurt and disappointment that I've been causing you all these while. I'm clearly sober and am not acting oblivious to any single one of your antics. At all. I know very clearly what you have been or are still trying to bring across every time you put that up, and you know very well that yes, I know it all along too. I just don't know what is it exactly that is wrong with me.

You think I don't feel anything at all? Of course I do, I feel really really bad for treating you that way and we all know that you clearly don't deserve it at all. And as cliche as it sounds, it did feel like a thousands knives, of which all sank to the very pit.

I'm just extremely puzzled right now, and it doesn't help that that abrupt pang of guilt just continues to resonate every single day. But wait, what am I even feeling guilty about ? This mess that I've created which could have been easily prevented in the first place by no one else but me alone ? I don't know. I just feel like I want to escape reality. And I'm sorry, for being such a coward who doesn't want to get out of this labyrinth that I'm getting stuck and lost in. Simply because.. I don't know how I should go about doing it.

I'm Sorry.

And thank you for tolerating all this shit. It must not have been easy putting up with my nonsense all these while.